1) Too much blue.
2) Needs more blending.
3) Light source would be nice.
4) Focal should be prominent.
5) It needs more dark areas to help the focal.
6) Text is ugly. :( Try to incorporate it into the image more.
Sorry if I sound mean Ian, but you know I care for you man. ;) Just trying to help.
I doubt he cares If its professional. It was just a thing for his game.